Doubt and Distractions

Spoke with Haley today...

She told me, "Gio you need to update your blog more."
I respond, "I know."

So here I am. Updating...
I had originally hoped I would have kept a better journal of my summer sales experiences. But I haven't.

But here I go.

I think the most difficult of things that I deal with out here in South Carolina, are two things that begin with the letter D:
1. Doubt
2. Distractions

I realized the other day that my biggest fear of this job is not the fact that I walk through some of the most strange and creepy neighborhoods, but more that I doubt my own abilities. I think my greatest fear is to fail.

I'm too scared to reach the end of the summer and fail at summer sales. I don't want to fail. I really want to reach my goal. I don't want to be in a tough situation where I don't finish my last year of school due to finances, and struggle the way I did last year with my leg injury, and work, and school. It was too overwhelming, I felt trapped and unable to move forward.

I feel like the summer is slowly closing in on me, and that all my hard work is not progressing at the rate I would like. And I'm miserably still trying to figure my way through this sales process. My numbers are inconsistently all over the place. I'm just doubting my abilities, and next to actually sinning, I think doubt can really get into your mind and distract you from reaching your goals.

Distractions are a way that the Adversary will try to attack our spiritual and temporal progress. If I'm doing everything I can in my life to keep all my actions and thoughts centered around the the Lord and the Gospel, then everything should be perfect, right? WRONG!!!

I realized, that if Satan can't seem to make his way into your life through sin, that he will use whatever power he has to tear us down and distract us with other insecurities we may have.

Anything that Satan can use to get me down...my lack of confidence, and twist the key to make it tear me up inside.

He makes me think that none of my life goals are attainable. I will never be pretty enough, I will never marry in the temple, I will never have enough money to finish school, I'll never be able to take care of myself, I'll never have children, I'll never be able to stand on my own two feet. I'll always be alone.

I don't need to be thinking about these sort of things when I'm knocking doors. The job is already taxing enough mentally and spiritually. And the honest truth is that none of these negative thoughts are true.

I found myself wishing that I was 10 years fast forwarded in my life, so that I could finally be settled down and living the life I wish I already had.

We all go through some pretty rough times to get to the times that we enjoy most.

I really miss home, and I guess when I say home...I actually mean Utah because that's where I lived for the past 7 years. But I miss home because I didn't have nearly as much work or responsibility for myself out there, as I do out here in South Carolina.

I was scripture reading from the Book of Mormon, and read over the many chapters where Nephi's older brothers continually doubt in the Lord's inquiries. I'm just as bad as they are, every time I doubt that if I do my part the Lord will do His part. It makes me think of my covenants, and how I must do everything in my power to live up to and keep my covenants for the Lord to be bound to his.

No excuses, it's work hard, trust and put faith in the Lord, and kick all doubt and distractions to the curb.

My cousin told me yesterday to remember to just "Have fun." I realized, "Yes! I need to start having fun again. I need to enjoy myself, and then maybe other folks will get to see the real me, the fun me, that I miss from before the summer started."

I don't think any part of this kind of work is suppose to be fun...but I can be. I'll have to remember that all week on the doors. Relax and have fun. :)

Here's a funny little comic I found on distractions...