Rekindle the Spark

It’s funny how I wait long periods of time to write about my life, before I get that itch to write again.  Considering how much I enjoy writing my thoughts, I also don’t like the work that it takes to write out all my thoughts to my satisfaction.  The benefit of blog, is much like that of a journal.  It does not require extensive perfection in editing, the thoughts don’t even have to make perfect sense.  The beauty of writing and documenting our life’s experiences, or thoughts, has more to do with documenting these ideas to either share them with others, or reflect back on them at a later time.  I think I need to re-evaluate why I blog again…the truth is, I write because I find it very therapeutic to my emotional needs and find great peace in putting my thoughts into words instead of storing them in my head for just myself.  My single, adult, lonely self.  There is great beauty in sharing our thoughts with others, the world, or outside of ourselves. ...

Looking back on old posts that I saved as drafts, I came across this one.  And overall, thought that this is a great one!  I have got to make an updated post and finish it.  So here it is! I used to make happy lists...my best friend and past roommate, Tiffany can attest to this. I would make a happy list for myself while I lived in the dorms, and I shared it with her. And she knew that if I was having a rough day or a difficult time, she would resort to my happy list to brighten up my spirits again. It really was an inspiring tool for me to use at times when I was sad. I think everyone should have a happy list, and constantly be make updates or modifications to things that make you happy. Hmmmm....I wish I kept a copy of my of my original "Happy List," so I'll do what I can and try to remember what was on my original Happy List, while conducting a new Happy List of things that make me happy today. Original 2004 Happy List: Puppy- My stuffed animal doggie that...

So...it’s been a while.  And bam!  It’s now 2020!  Wow, where does all the time go?  Well, here I am. In 2020, I am now 34 years old.  I have gone back to school for a Masters in Special Education, and am working as an Activities Director at an Assisted Living Facility.  The job is pretty good, it is something I enjoy, and my employer is hilarious, however, it is not the kind of job I can see myself doing for longer than the next 3 years, if that.  I would love to be teaching already, but at least I finally overcame my fear of failure, and went back to school.  It feels great to know that I am working towards something I am passionate about again. What got the ball rolling was that I found myself feeling stuck in a job that paid pretty well but that treated me horribly and did not value my work.  I felt like I had to suck it up, and be happy, because I had no other prospects.  These types of companies try to make you feel like you ha...

For most of my life, 3-30 years old, I was a dancer...and graduated from BYU as a Dance Major. I often have many people tell me, "How come you don't use your dance degree, and no longer dance? Or open an academy or studio?" It truly is a humbling question. I guess, because I felt that dance no longer served its' purpose for me, as it used to. As much as I loved to dance, nearly 8 years ago I was introduced to working in the field of disabilities, in order to help pay for my university studies. And since then, to my amazement, I have stayed working in this field. Working with disabilities, can be both challenging and rewarding. I never thought I would become a experienced professional in this field. But I realized, people with disabilities needed bright spirits, and smart people with great compassion to lead them, and work along side them. I found that I had a lot to offer to the people of this community, and in exchange, they had a lot to offer me in return. ...

Things that I recognized during Christmas...It's sort of weird how things never always end up like we imagined.  Here I am, 30 years old, single, just graduating with my Bachelors in Dance from BYU...and finally, my whole immediate family has relocated to Utah.  So no more going home to California where I grew up for the first 18 years of my life.  Baby it's cold outside, and I'm dreaming of a white Christmas have now become realities.   My older sister has 5 children all of whom are just the cutest kids ever.  I currently work with people with disabilities and absolutely love it, I have been doing this work for the the last 5 years of my life, and I don't believe there is any other work I would rather be doing right now.  I mean, I am so grateful to be where I am today, but I am not sure I would have ever guessed that I would get here the way that I did.   Anyways, here is what I realized over Christmas break that made me smile and feel very blessed i...

I don't know why I cycle back to this problem all the time.  I go a long time without praying, even though I have such a genuine understanding that prayer really works, and is a comforting experience of communication with my Heavenly Father.  I have no problem praying for group settings, the problem is just praying by myself.  It's the private prayer that I have trouble saying.  I don't want to say lazy, but I guess in a prideful manner, I don't find myself wanting to both The Lord with my problems.  However, the longer I go without prayer, the more pain I carry, and the more alone I feel.  It is not that prayer alone solves my problems.  Prayer gives me peace that my problems are not  eternal.  That I may feel alone, or scared, or disappointment, but that I have no need to fear.  That my Heavenly Father has eternal duties for me, and my duties here are in earth are minimal, short lived, and narrow viewed.  I like to think I have ma...

How do you make a modern dancer breathe? That is a very good question. In my modern dance class we are working on a few different concepts, one concept being breath. Breathing is essential to any dancer, athlete, or person for that matter. Ask any runner, or weight lifter. They all know there's a skill to breathing. Our bodies have this quick impulse of tightening up when we don't breathe, hoping that holding our breath will give us more strength. When holding your breath really just does the opposite, it limits your full range or motion. Without breathing in a dance sequence, the body will naturally tire faster. Have you ever just sat quietly and heard yourself breathe? Breath is what gives life to the body. The chest rises, the chest falls. It is the first thing we do in this life when we come out of our mother's womb, and the last thing we do on this earth before we die. I feel like after many years of dancing at BYU I understand this concept a lot better th...

When I first got a blog, I titled it "...And So She Would Dance..." because my life was all about dancing at the time. Then I found myself out of school, selling security, working all sorts of jobs that weren't very much directly related to the arts or dancing, and felt like some of my identity was gone or lost from me. So I changed the title of my blog again to, "...Dare to Dream Big..." Now I sit here and think, I'm ready for another change. But to what should I change to? I feel like I've been recently going through an enlightenment period, after being in the dark for so long. Back in school again hoping to finish, I'm already living proof that I can live the dream. I think the next phase in my life is going to be "The Creative Movement." This is how I have evolved as a person and how I've changed my view of the "Dancer Me." I don't dance just because it is fulfilling for me, or because it is gratifying to mo...

Beautifully Broken By Gioconda Velez I love what needs mending, I love the broken, I love the weak, I love the torn, I love the ugly, I love the hurt, I love what looks like to the world as worthless. I love the reckless, I love the lost, I love the needy, I love the poor, I love the innocent, The underdeveloped, I love what most people are afraid to love, and more. I love the sick, I love the deaf, The unintelligent, And the blind, I love the fallen, I love the scared, I love the trialed, And the dead. I love the sorrowed, The unpopular, The insignificant, And the bruised, I love the child that lacks the confidence, I love the one who is confused. I love the quiet, I love the damaged, I look past the cover of a book, I love the challenge, I love the dirty, I love the one who's overlooked. I love the fragile, I love the rough, I love the pain, And the forgotten, I love the blisters, I love the heavy, I love anything that's gone rotten. I love that which pierces the heart, I l...

I recently read a post that changed how I've decided to look at myself. Read it, if you would like some serious perspective. http://thankyourbody.com/beautiful-through-words/ But anyways, the idea is...we spend so much time endlessly trying to make ourselves beautiful by nature. Beautiful hair, beautiful make up, beautiful clothes. But if words really have the strongest impact on my beauty, why wouldn't I try to make this change to improve my personal image. I have nothing to lose. Right? I can only gain. I'm quite a piece of work. I'll tell you what, I am beautiful. 1. I have a pretty legit smile. I sincerely look happy when I smile, and I have the ability to make other people happy by radiating positive energy with this $30,000.00 smile! Jaw surgery...you made it all possible. Thank you good California Health Insurance, for helping me express myself clearly. 2. I have beautiful hair. Yes. Some people would die to have as mush hair as I have, and it's ...

It's amazing having moments of spiritual impact. I've found myself so busy with work lately, I rarely make quality time to spend with my friends or family. And when I have time, I find I spend more time with my friends rather than family. I guess it's easy to get, wrapped up with your friends when you're a single college student. But families are really quite special. Since my father's stroke in March 2011, I've moved in at the end of July with my Mom and Dad, in a house in Pleasant Grove, UT. I also went to go pick my younger sister, Tiffany, up from BYU Idaho after completing her fist year of school in July. Then in the first week of August, my brother, Mauricio, returned home from his mission in McAllen, Texas. My older sister Ligia, who is married to Alex, with 3 kids of their own, Orion (4), Chrysa (3), and Hinckley (1), all live down the street from us. Literally 5 blocks from where we live. So here we are again, pretty much one big happy Velez/ H...

I'm currently working on a project. Perhaps one of the biggest and most important projects in my journey at this point. A lifetime of work. This means the world to me, as I sit to create something powerful, and special, and unique to myself. But I find for this to truly be a monumental experience, I must dig in deep, deep deep and deeper than ever before. I have to answer questions that I don't think I've ever been able to answer clearly. It has taken me what seems like years and an eternity to peel away the layers of fear and insecurity I've had. Can I answer the most spell binding question I have for myself? Who am I? Broken Loving Healing Joyful Caring Confused Spontaneous Constant Lonely Needy Kind Nurturing Curious Creative Moving Slowing Down Emotional Closed off Open book Passionate Gracious Defensive Protective Humility Lit up Flowing Stopped Touched Spiritual Timeless (No sense of time)

I'm not really sure why the cold makes me feel so dark. I drive down the roads towards the freeway for work, and look at the world around me. The grass pale and ghostly, the weeping sunflowers blackened, and corn crops dry and white. The dusty snow melting on the side of the curb, with an eerie cold fog covering the horizon. The sun becomes darkened, with an overcast of skies, and mountain ranges covered by a sheet of cotton. A mist of greys sprinkle to the ground. Winter is such a miraculous season with the celebration of Jesus' birth. The new dawn of a New Year, while starting over again, renewed, or recommitted, a time so valued and cherished. But everywhere around me...I can't help but recognize the frost of death. Weird...I think. To see all the green and color go. For a portion of time, I suppose. Almost like we must embrace death and birth in all the same season. But more importantly, a new beginning. It may not be my favorite season, nonetheless...it p...

Dare to dream big... I don't know when it all began. Perhaps in my childhood. It was apparent. My independence. I was never a follower. I loved to talk. I would talk my way out of things. My imagination endless. My possessions priceless. My joy was endless. My laugh infectious. I dreamed of being a teacher. A teacher of things. A helper. An intellectual. My ambitions high. Reachable. Work hard, and see the fruits of your labor. But today...looking at the ground. Looking for the smallest green to sprout out of the ground. Proof of my labors. A tear drop. Waiting. Misery. Talking to myself. Hoping for sprout. Solitude. Have I placed my priorities in the wrong pursuits? Have I planted the wrong seed. Not bad seed. Wrong seed for my season. I've always claimed I'm a dreamer. Is the answer simpler than I allow myself to believe. Change my perspective. A young child. A young woman. A disillusioned adult. Wake up. It's not a dream. It's my world. My reality. I control it. ...

A kiss... A soft embrace of emotion. A sweet gift surrendered by the heart. The desire to explore a new surface of matter. To connect to another person whom you admire. The guilty excuse of fatal laws of attraction. A hope for a genuine connection of devotion. A momentary lapse of impulse or spontanuity. A chemical combination, that pulls two people together. A step of faith. Or mistake. Eyes shut, because you really do care. Sensibility is on pause, for the sake of chance. In hopes that something deeper may be felt or found. Confussion, frustration, despair. A tear drop of doubt, Piercing to the core. Leaving an everlasting dimple in your heart's chambers. Of unrequited worth. Self doubt. Forgetting who you really are. So low, you're beneath yourself. Indignant time, of wasteful endevors. Injured. Believing you may never recover. Realizing you're tired of cycling back through this process. Hoping that the hurt will disappear. In time it usually does. And yet, you know ther...

Being the artistic person that I am...I'm sure many of you will not be surprised of my facination for painting and photography. While my mother was in the process she found two of my high school art water colors that I absolutley loved. Takes me back 9 years. But still fun to see. I always loved lanscapes. My mom threw away a lot of stuff in California in the process of moving to Utah, but somehow these two painting never made it to the trash. My mom said when she found them, after discarding my art works, she knew she would have to keep. They must have not made it to the trash for a reason. And honestly, I was quite surprised to see any of my high school art work still around. Lately, I've realized how much I love sunsets. So one day on my day off I drove around Orem, and Pleasant Grove taking pictures. My mom calls and asks me where I am and what I'm doing. "Ummm I'm just driving around to no where, taking pictures." LOL But truly, a picture really ...